Babatope Babalobi babalobi@yahoo.com +234 80 35 897435
Save the World Christian ministry App: http://qrco.de/babalobi
Sourced from tribune.com.ng 13th April, 2008
Developing sexual intimacy in marriage
By Tayo Ligali
When, we were going up and we asked our parents “mummy, where do babies come from? We got replies such as, from God or from the sky?” Nobody talked to us about sex. They wanted to figure it out on our own just like they did. After all, their parents never talked about sex to them either.
And when we got to that age (teenage years), when their former explanations were no longer acceptable and we wanted answers to our questions about sex, having learnt about it in biology classes or from friends who were introduced to it through pornographic magazines, they would come up with another explanation.
They would tell us the sex is dirty and no good girl’ should engage in it. Not only that, it is a word that should not come out from the mouth or girls from a decent back ground.
As a result, sex become a taboo for us because we were made to believe that the whole process is shroued in shame.
By the time we were old enough to get married, we should receive another lecture on sex.
This time around, we would be taught that sex is solely for procreation. As married woman, when our husbands approached us for sex, we should lie down and allow them to have their way with us. They have maid our bride price so they own us body, soul and spirit.
Our mother would also drum into our ears that we must never discuss sex with our husband as doing so would be tantamount to labeling ourselves as sex perverts.
Many women therefore learnt their mother and other elderly woman around them that sex is something that should be endured and not enjoyable, so they try to suppress their sexualities. This is the major reason some woman do not enjoy sex and cannot give sexual satisfaction to their spouses.
The solution to this problem of course is for such woman to have a reorientation. They need to learn how to go from “sex is bad” to sex is great”.
We, men and women, need to understand that sex is not evil and that God designed marriage to prove the right context for sex.
We should also give sex education to our children. We need to teach them that attractions and desires for pleasure are normal, not evil. We should not teach them that sex is bad but rather, we should teach to “Zip Up” till their wedding day in order to avoid contracting Sexually Transmitted Disease and teenage pregnancy
For people who are already in the institution, like the wife of our write, what they needed is counseling.
This is due to the fact that marriage involves developing sexual intimacy. This is a process through which you learn how to understand your partner’s sexual need and desires practice different styles and the techniques, applying knowledge, growing in unity, maturity in love, abounding in tenderness and kindness as well as developing your own unique physical love language.
“Regular sex with the person you love will surely increase your life span. The is because sex relieves stress, burns calories and it makes life beautify.”
Newly wedded couples must therefore focus on nurturing their sex life in the early of their marriage. They must learn their partner’s body. Know what they like and dislike and let them know what turn them on and off. It is important to note that it is when you have a solid sex foundation that you will be able to have a good sex life in the future.
Once you are convinced you have figured out each other’s sexual needs and have shelved your inhibitions, the next thing you need to do is learn how to maintain your sex life.
Sexual intimacy in marriage should be 70 per cent nurturing and 30 per cent maintenance in the first six months of marriage and several years in the marriage, it should be 50 per cent maintenance and 50 per cent nurturing.
What this means is that couples must never allow sex life to become boring.
To keep sex good for a long term therefore you must put your thoughts and energy into keeping your sex life solid.
The older young grow as a couple, the more enjoyable sex should become for you. Sex we all know is one activity a couple has that excluded other people.
It therefore helps to keep you bond unique and strong and by making a habit of it, you arte building regular opportunities for connection in your life.
Regular sex with the person you have will surly increase your life. This is because sex relieves stress, burns calories and it makes life beautiful.
You can rev up your sex life by pushing your sex boundaries. If you have stricken to the missionary style all these years, it is time for you .to experiment with something new.
You can try a new position, i:e. the woman on top or you can even do it in a place other than your bedroom. The bathroom for instance, will be a good place to start the experiment.
Also, cultivate the idea of going on a sex vacation. You and your spouse can get away for the weekend and engage in an orgy of sex somewhere far away from home. Or, you could allow the kids to go on holiday ten lock yourselves in for the weekend, eating and sleeping (sex) together. Vacation sex has been described as a vital part of a god sex life.
Laura Meers, PH.D and a psychologist in family practice in Columbus, explains that. “On vacation, you are at your most care free, which means you an try new things you won’t have to be accountable for at home.
Do not be stuck in a rut, be adventurous, if you want to try something new, communicate your desire to your partner then try doing it together. This will add more excitement to your sex life and your marriage.
Babatope Babalobi babalobi@yahoo.com +234 80 35 897435
Save the World Christian ministry App: http://qrco.de/babalobi
